Comfort in Suffering
I’ll just come right out and say it…Suffering needs to be met with agreement that the said suffering is the worst thing ever and absolutely completely terrible. If you are in tune enough with yourself and have empathy for suffering (which everyone does because everyone suffers), tears being shed is always a huge comfort to the person walking through the hard time. It seems kind of strange and maybe not enough to do those things but it is! It really is. My family and I have been through an insane amount of suffering of various kinds for YEARS with ZERO let up if I’m being honest, which I am, but I have to sometimes remind myself of the insane amount of turmoil because my mind is trying to protect me from reality…and also, is it even believable to the outside world to continually have struggle that doesn’t cease for freaking years? Maybe I don’t want to believe that I am suffering nonstop because the people on the outside with the questions that essentially mean “Is it better yet? Is it over yet?” or the statements, “It will get better. This is just a season.”…well those statements have some truth to them. It really is a season. But what if your season is years?!?! The weekly conversation that goes like this simply is not helping the sufferer:
“How’s it going?” -outside person
“Terrible.” -me
“Is anything getting better you think? How is Oz?”
“I mean he’s doing better in some senses but not really to be honest.”
“Well I’m glad he’s doing better.”
“Thanks.”
Did the person miss the part where I said “not really to be honest” and the “terrible” part. Like things aren’t really getting any better and I’m doing terrible!!!
Please, for the love of God, hug the sufferer, ask them to get coffee with you and let them tell you everything that they are going through and cry with them! Don’t ask them if they need help (because they do but they can’t think)…just do something…bring them food, make a little self-care package, bring them flowers, buy them a massage, write a note to them, come to their house and just clean it for them, reach out and ask what they need prayer for specifically, when you see them and hear they are doing terrible, agree with their pain…agree that it’s so freaking terrible this is happening and that it is not their fault and they are doing an amazing job and they are amazing parents or an amazing friend. Let them spill their guts to you because most of the time they have to survive through life and never have time to process. And probably the best thing that you can do for a suffering person, is learn for yourself how to be more self aware with your feelings and your experiences that you had. Because that is where actual comfort will come from.
As a Christian the Bible says that we will share in Christ’s sufferings. That means that we need to share about our sufferings more and stop suffering in silence and actually help each other because we also share in Christ’s comforts! Why is it just so out of the ordinary to have hard times and say actually I’m doing terrible. That should be normal for the church body and it should also be normal for us to excersise our God-given comfort to help others in an actually comforting way!!!!!! Let’s stop suffering in silence…say how we actually feel and be honest and real so that God’s love can be even more expressed in the church and in the world!!!
