Art School Loves Me, Art School Loves Me Not

2017 at my art school graduation with my boyfriend at the time (now my husband hehe)

I met a friend who said he got rejected from art school and was looking at me with a sense of “you went to art school…you must have secret knowledge”. And I was shocked! Because lets be real, I am so grateful for getting my bachelor’s in visual art: drawing, painting & printing BUT I think what school did to me rather than for me was corner me and force desires upon me to conform to a secret society that was unapproachable unless you knew the secret code of doing and speaking and making THE art that was good enough. It was like this always hovering cloud over everything you did…making you second guess the innate joy that was bestowed on you as a gift to yourself and to the world at birth! (more accurately, before the foundations of the world from the Lord Himself)

Okay okay. Yes, I learned many practical things that were great that I probably would of just figured out throughout the years so the condensed practical learning of things was really great. But I think what I’m talking more about is the philosophical and psychological aspect. I’ve grown to learn for myself and by myself (mostly after having kids) about having confidence and freedom in your creative process and letting nothing hold you back. THAT was not taught. I wanted that but the soup I was swimming in and the air I was breathing I would say was corrupt and too “try-y”.

I was talking to a musician friend about this…where everyone in creative spaces in art school are striving and trying to attain nirvana with the modern art world and it’s honestly exhausting because what in the heck. I just want to feel and create and have process and enjoy whats happening with the colors and shapes and movements. It was always so confusing at critiques because it was a lot of why did you make this stroke? What does this circle movement mean? And maybe someone deep in that world of striving art could tell you all the ins and outs of every single movement…like “Oh that circle shape is about veganism” or some crazy thing like that. In my mind, even back then, I make the movements intuitively with joy and expression and let my hands tell my brain whats up. So honestly the meaning behind my paintings come after I complete them. My hands are speaking a different language and my mind needs to translate with the full gambit finished.

Lately I’ve started to think about energy a lot…not like a weird shaman or yogi lady or whatever but seriously think about it…when you get irritated or angry, you can feel that energy in your body…like sometimes I want to punch the wall lol. So if we don’t move and express that energy with our body it just stays in our body until it explodes out at the random check out lady. OMG what?! That sounds awful! And it is!! (Please lift weights!!!)

But even if we lift weights which takes care of the energy that is spicy, what about the other energy? Like depression, saddness, anxiety? Or even good ones…happiness, confidence, love, peaceful or calmness? EXPRESSION is the answer. We got to let that crap out. That’s why art therapy is so great. Just get that energy out with expressing it thru color, movement, shape…fast, slow, slap that paint on! or gently place it. I literally wacked a tree branch on a painting once as my expression. When I was super duper depressed and only had 5 minutes, I plopped the paint on the canvas as a way to be able to feel some relief with the simple act of expressing. Kind of like the relief when you journal or talk to a really considerate, caring friends (Where you at?). Am I talking about validation? Ooo. My painting validates my inner deep feelings just like a really good friend would. Just like me writing this does. Amazing. (Pause for recalibration of the foundations of life)

Anywho, they don’t teach you about these things in art school and honestly it’s a huge bummer because even after you graduate with your degree, confidence is no where in sight, comparison is stealing your joy but it’s not even your fault because you were basically indoctrinated and most people just stop making art altogether. Not me! And hopefully not you!

Pick up your brush, your pen, your paint, your pencil, your fingers and get to making and creating with the peace that this is exactly your gift that the world wants to ingest!

So should you go to art school??? All I can say is make zero decisions out of guilt or obligation and do whatever the heck you want that makes you happy! Art school or not, YOU MATTER and YOUR GENUINE BEAUTIFUL ART MATTERS.